As stated, it is just Ohms Law, you have two signals driving one pin, one signal from the programmer, one from the MAX3232, you have to ensure the programmer can drive enough current to allow the ESP logic levels to be reached. Adding the resistor limits how much the MAX3232 can 'push' so the programmer can dominate. Unfortunately, when it comes to exact logic levels needed and exact drive currents available, there are manufacturing differences between devices so you have to cater for worst case scenario situations.
There is a possibly an alternative method you can use: Use a second MAX3232 to drive the existing one and pass the programming signals through it so the whole programming sequence is done over RS232 and no resistor is needed at all. The only drawback to that method is that normal programming speed may be compromised but if you keep the wiring length short it might work.
Brian.