It seems you will:
1) press a button
2) the HT12E produces a coded signal
3) it goes into your 433 MHz transmitter somehow (as audio perhaps). Or you can inject the signal directly, if you feel certain you can open up the transmitter and find the proper point inside.
4) The radio broadcast goes over the air to your 433 MHz receiver.
5) A device is attached to the receiver, which will produce audio (or light beam?). (Or if you open up the 433 MHz receive then you can access it electronically).
6) The HT12D picks up the signal.
7) If it is the correct code, the HT12D turns on the relay. A different code turns it off.
The interface devices are what you must construct. The sending device may be easier to make. Maybe it can be a speaker (depending on whether the 433 MHz transmitter can accept audio).
The receiving device will be a sensor, perhaps a microphone(?). It must correctly convey the code coming from the 433 MHz receiver. Then feed it to the HT12D.
You need to discover the nature of the codes. The information (as a pulse train, frequency, whatever) must be preserved throughout the entire process.
As for the relay, it requires a certain amount of current in order to turn on. If you're lucky the HT12D should be able to provide sufficient current. If it isn't then an additional component or two will be needed.